For the first time in my life, I come to understand the nature of my curiosity. As always I just had to know. Broke my word, to know. Failed a friend, to know. Everything I have ever given, I took away in one night, to satisfy my curiosity. And I didnt like what I found.
I tell everyone all the time, "There are consequences for every action." What I failed to tell myself, is that many of those are unseen. You can't plan them. You don't get to choose which ones to take and which ones to leave.
So, what now? My body is on perpetual fire, I have stoked the flame of need, my heart bleeds sadness for the hurt I caused. Now, all I can do, is what is asked of me, shut the hell up and walk away. One of the hardest things for a "fixer" to do. Time to put the selfishness down. But I loved every second of it, part of it I needed with a depth I did not understand, and my back feels better than it has in a year. So I will hold the good things tight in silence until some day my friend comes back to me. Can one be sorry, but not regret?
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